This term, "friends with benefits" is a fairly new term for an really old phenomenon. Not really dating someone, yet having sex with them. When I was teaching middle school it was a common thing for my students to "hook up" casually with other kids for oral sex, which in their minds did not count as actual sex. I figure, if you get off, and can catch a sexually transmitted disease from doing it, then it's sex. They figured it wasn't sex unless intercourse was involved. Many of the girls who gave out blow jobs, freely, considered themselves virgins, since technically they hadn't gone all the way. Again- how can you really consider yourself a virgin if you've had someone's penis in your mouth??? Think about it. Even though, I suppose, technically, they are virgins. Just not innocent. Let's not put too fine a point on it, shall we?
Like the hypocrisy that colors much of our society, having sex with someone you don't love or have a relationship with is considered wrong. That said, I know many women stuck in loveless marriages, who have sex with their husbands because they are afraid that if they don't remain married, they will be out on the street, and have to work for a living. These husbands and wives don't love each other- I don't even think they like each other- and yet the wives stay in the marriage out of fear. They fear loss of income, lifestyle and prestige. I've often thought of this as legalized prostitution.
So, is it better to have sex with someone you are married to but don't particularly like, or is it better to have sex with someone you like and are friends with but have no plans for anything more? Or, will having sex with someone who is a friend simply muck up the friendship with an emotional overlay that the relationship may not be able to withstand?
It's all so complicated. There are men out there who are looking for long term relationships, complete with love, emotion, and, dare I say it, sex. They are eclipsed by the men out there who are looking for sex, but don't actually want to admit that sex is the primary goal. They have to couch it in pretty phrases and empty promises, just to get to the end. So- in many ways, a friend with benefits is a much more straightforward way of dealing with the whole situation. Men who like you, and like to spend time with you, want to sleep with you, but don't want permanence.
You know, that just might describe my last couple of boyfriends, come to think of it.....
Perhaps not Mr. Right, just Mr. Right Now.
So, is it better to have sex with someone you are married to but don't particularly like, or is it better to have sex with someone you like and are friends with but have no plans for anything more? Or, will having sex with someone who is a friend simply muck up the friendship with an emotional overlay that the relationship may not be able to withstand?
It's all so complicated. There are men out there who are looking for long term relationships, complete with love, emotion, and, dare I say it, sex. They are eclipsed by the men out there who are looking for sex, but don't actually want to admit that sex is the primary goal. They have to couch it in pretty phrases and empty promises, just to get to the end. So- in many ways, a friend with benefits is a much more straightforward way of dealing with the whole situation. Men who like you, and like to spend time with you, want to sleep with you, but don't want permanence.
You know, that just might describe my last couple of boyfriends, come to think of it.....
Perhaps not Mr. Right, just Mr. Right Now.
No comments:
Post a Comment