I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that I am a jealous person.
Since most of my family members are insane, it stands to reason that somehow, I too am a nutbag. Or, maybe it's not jealousy at all, maybe it's menopause, or PMS.
Years ago, when my kids were little, I stopped by my then boyfriend's house on the way out of town to drop off something that he had wanted. A really attractive African American girl answered the door; she was dressed rather provocatively, the lights were on low, and there was R & B playing in the background. I asked who she was, and where he was, and she shrugged rather insolently, said she was his girlfriend and he wasn't home. I asked that she tell him I stopped by, then left, pissed off as all hell. I called and left a searing message on his cell phone, littered with expletives. My poor damaged children just sat there, listening, wide eyed. Later, he said she was his "niece", and she lived with him, and I should just get used to the arrangement. He was angry with me for being rude to his poor little "niece," and for cussing him out. I'm sorry to admit that we made up eventually and continued the relationship for a few more years. Looking back, at the time I figured having him around beat having to go and find someone worthy; My self-esteem was still pretty low after my divorce. Eventually, though, I ended it with him. Not soon enough, but at the time, hey! I figured I had all the time in the world. No need to be hasty in either my judgement or my decisions.
Was the man trustworthy? No. Was he a liar? Yes. Also manipulative and a user. And really stupid. However, the fact is: I wasn't dating him for his brains. He was a very handsome man. Did I learn? Absolutely. A few more bricks in the wall around my heart and defenses.
So, a few years down the road and now I'm infinitely wiser, right? Of course. I started dating a man who lied about a number of things- his age, the seriousness of our relationship, and the reality of where the relationship was actually heading. Of course, all of these lies didn't come out until the end of our time together. One weekend his phone rang. He answered it on speaker phone, and since his house had a fairly open floor plan, I was able to hear the whole conversation. It was a young woman.
Her: (Ditsy, young voice.) "Hi, sweetie! I missed you, and called to say hello, and see what you were up to this weekend."
Him: (Brusquely.) "I told you I had company this weekend."
(Note: He said "company." Not "my girlfriend." This is a bad sign.)
Her: (Giggle, giggle.) "Oh, that's right. I didn't think you meant this weekend, I guess I got confused." (Giggle, giggle.)
(Note: This was getting good, even though it wasn't looking good for my relationship.)
Him: (Angrily and rudely.) "I'll call you when I'm free." (Ended the call.)
(Note: Turns out this man also had major anger management issues. Not a relationship meant to go the distance. And, it didn't- it ended soon after this.)
Recently, I got mad at the man I've been dating. Honestly, though, he really didn't do anything wrong. A woman came on to him. She made some inappropriate comments to him. I believe he told her immediately that he was involved with someone, but she still made it very clear that she was willing and available. I wasn't present, but he told me everything, because that's the way he is. No subterfuge. No secrets. I'm really bad at reading men, but I'm really good at reading women, particularly if they pose any kind of a threat to me. So, unfortunately, I took it out on him. We worked it out, talked it out, and made up rather gloriously. He's a sexy man, and women are going to come on to him. I just need to have more faith in his ability to brush them off. And, just trust him. I detest predatory women. I've never understood how they can deliberately come on to unavailable men. These women just don't care that a man might be taken. And granted, some men just thrive on the attention of these women, the danger of being caught just making them seem more appealing. I've always believed that if a relationship is solid, no one is going to break through; there has to be cracks in the veneer for an outside person to insinuate themselves into the situation. And- you are either a cheater, or you're not.
Really, I'm working on all this jealousy stuff. It's tough, sometimes, even at my advanced age.
I can also press 360 pounds with my legs. Just sayin...
Since most of my family members are insane, it stands to reason that somehow, I too am a nutbag. Or, maybe it's not jealousy at all, maybe it's menopause, or PMS.
Years ago, when my kids were little, I stopped by my then boyfriend's house on the way out of town to drop off something that he had wanted. A really attractive African American girl answered the door; she was dressed rather provocatively, the lights were on low, and there was R & B playing in the background. I asked who she was, and where he was, and she shrugged rather insolently, said she was his girlfriend and he wasn't home. I asked that she tell him I stopped by, then left, pissed off as all hell. I called and left a searing message on his cell phone, littered with expletives. My poor damaged children just sat there, listening, wide eyed. Later, he said she was his "niece", and she lived with him, and I should just get used to the arrangement. He was angry with me for being rude to his poor little "niece," and for cussing him out. I'm sorry to admit that we made up eventually and continued the relationship for a few more years. Looking back, at the time I figured having him around beat having to go and find someone worthy; My self-esteem was still pretty low after my divorce. Eventually, though, I ended it with him. Not soon enough, but at the time, hey! I figured I had all the time in the world. No need to be hasty in either my judgement or my decisions.
Was the man trustworthy? No. Was he a liar? Yes. Also manipulative and a user. And really stupid. However, the fact is: I wasn't dating him for his brains. He was a very handsome man. Did I learn? Absolutely. A few more bricks in the wall around my heart and defenses.
So, a few years down the road and now I'm infinitely wiser, right? Of course. I started dating a man who lied about a number of things- his age, the seriousness of our relationship, and the reality of where the relationship was actually heading. Of course, all of these lies didn't come out until the end of our time together. One weekend his phone rang. He answered it on speaker phone, and since his house had a fairly open floor plan, I was able to hear the whole conversation. It was a young woman.
Her: (Ditsy, young voice.) "Hi, sweetie! I missed you, and called to say hello, and see what you were up to this weekend."
Him: (Brusquely.) "I told you I had company this weekend."
(Note: He said "company." Not "my girlfriend." This is a bad sign.)
Her: (Giggle, giggle.) "Oh, that's right. I didn't think you meant this weekend, I guess I got confused." (Giggle, giggle.)
(Note: This was getting good, even though it wasn't looking good for my relationship.)
Him: (Angrily and rudely.) "I'll call you when I'm free." (Ended the call.)
(Note: Turns out this man also had major anger management issues. Not a relationship meant to go the distance. And, it didn't- it ended soon after this.)
Recently, I got mad at the man I've been dating. Honestly, though, he really didn't do anything wrong. A woman came on to him. She made some inappropriate comments to him. I believe he told her immediately that he was involved with someone, but she still made it very clear that she was willing and available. I wasn't present, but he told me everything, because that's the way he is. No subterfuge. No secrets. I'm really bad at reading men, but I'm really good at reading women, particularly if they pose any kind of a threat to me. So, unfortunately, I took it out on him. We worked it out, talked it out, and made up rather gloriously. He's a sexy man, and women are going to come on to him. I just need to have more faith in his ability to brush them off. And, just trust him. I detest predatory women. I've never understood how they can deliberately come on to unavailable men. These women just don't care that a man might be taken. And granted, some men just thrive on the attention of these women, the danger of being caught just making them seem more appealing. I've always believed that if a relationship is solid, no one is going to break through; there has to be cracks in the veneer for an outside person to insinuate themselves into the situation. And- you are either a cheater, or you're not.
Really, I'm working on all this jealousy stuff. It's tough, sometimes, even at my advanced age.
I can also press 360 pounds with my legs. Just sayin...
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