My cell phone rang this afternoon, interrupting my thoughts. I answered it without checking my caller id- big mistake. It turned out to be my last relationship, a man who was depressed and self-medicating with alcohol. In fact, that was the reason for the end, his refusal to either admit that there was a problem or do anything about treating it. As the child of a bi-polar alcoholic, that was a road I had no intention of going down again. I'd spent too many years fixing myself. Anyway, it was rather disconcerting to hear his voice, and hear him trying to make me the bad guy for "kicking him to the curb."
He was a long distance relationship. He had fallen on hard times, was working the night shift. At the time I figured, well, at least he's working. There really is no dishonorable work, in my opinion. Because we saw each other maybe every other weekend, I actually didn't know there was an alcohol problem. He never slurred his words, fell down or giggled or did any of the stereotypical things that drunks do. And, unlike my mother, his temperament didn't change when he drank. He did drink a lot of white wine when we were in for the evening, and never showed it, and I just assumed that it was because he was a big guy. It wasn't until after it was over, that I realized that he did indeed play the manipulative head games that drug addicts and drunks play.
I think if we had lived in closer proximity to one another, the alcohol would have become an issue sooner. Because the veneer would have cracked, and I would have seen the problem.
It came out, in the end. And he turned mean when I told him to move along. And called all the time, using a blocked number. (I typically never pick up a call from a number I don't recognize or have in my contacts. I figure, if I don't know who they are, they can damn well leave a message, and maybe I'll call them back.)
I moved after we broke up, and I don't think he knows where I live, which is good. That makes me a little uncomfortable. I don't think he's dangerous, but I think it's a little creepy when you are dealing with someone who is not completely rational.
I feel lucky to have a circle of good friends who have my back.
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